it would be a lie to run awayso blood is fire pulsing through our veins

The Cure for the Pain
---Jon Foreman


You say I'm an inspiration...
...but you are too, y'know.

You inspire me to keep up this fight, to not give up.
We keep each other alive. We're in this together.
And I love us for that. <3

i wouldn't give a fuckbut the love here is such a long walk......got my hand caught in a cat claw, scream!

Cat Claw
---The Kills

i'm not sure i could handle life without you...

...you kept me alive for so long
<3

who's gonna save you when the stars fall from your sky?who's gonna pull you in when the tide gets too high?

Superman Tonight
---Bon Jovi


We'll save each other.
I've got you, you've got me.
We're in this together, always and forever.



Promise. <3
forgive me?

oh my God i can be so defiantto someone whose arms stretch to me I will forgivedon't give up on me don't give up on meI have forgiven you!

Charlatan's Host
---Oh, Sleeper


i don't know what you're doing, Abba...
...but i'm gonna try to trust that You do
(please don't let me down?)

oh, how sweet the soundi know it saved but is it changing a wretch like me?

Thus From My Lips, By Yours, My Sin is Purged
---As Cities Burn


my attempts to fall off the face of the planet always end in failure...
...maybe because y'all love me through it each time.

i don't know what i'd do without you
i don't want to know what i'd be without
forgiveness brushing these adulterous lips

we're the people, the happywith the broken heartsthe ones who draw a pictureand proclaim that it's art

Man Must Dance
---Johnossi


Beautiful thoughts from a good friend and mentor:

"That is exactly the nature of grief - especially the fresh, raw grief -- it seems absolutely unimaginable that it will EVER feel anything else except for how you feel right at this very moment. I've begun to think that grief is like the weather. We don't have any control over it, but we can sometimes -- occasionally predict it -- (and just like the weather guys, sometimes we are wrong about the prediction!)"

where do we go from here?how do we carry on?i can't get beyond the questions

Wait it Out
---Imogen Heap


So... we had our dinner celebration.
Good friends, good food, good conversation but...

...right before I met up with my friends, I realised why I didn't want to celebrate-- guilt. Why the hell did I survive that overdose last April and my friend couldn't survive H1N1/pneumonia?! I in no way should be alive to celebrate six months of sobriety...

I know, I know-- survivor's guilt.
[if my counselor were reading this, she'd tell me to quit hiding behind my psych stuff...]

It's just so fucking hard, y'know?
I am so incredibly pissed at God.
[yeah, if he let me wrestle him as jacob did, i'm sure i'd kick his ass...]

It's not right. It's not fair.
Why the hell have You called me to work for justice if there never is any?!
And why the hell do I still believe in You? Who am I kidding??

Yeah, who am I kidding?

/sobs

'cause we are brokenwhat must we do to restoreour innocence

We Are Broken
---Paramore


In an hour and a half, I'm meeting up with friends to celebrate 6 months of sobriety. Except, I'm not all that sure I'm alright with such a celebration right now. God, this hurts so much. /siiigh...

it's not even light outsuddenly (suddenly) oh, you've somewhere to bewith no hesitation

The Moment I Said It
---Imogen Heap


a friend of mine passed away yesterday morning due to complications of viral pneumonia and h1n1. i am in total shock. i can't even begin to process this news-- i know a lot of people who've come down with h1n1 but... /cries. i don't understand. and why yesterday?! of all days, why then? you would've been so proud i made six months sober, so proud that three years after the rape i'm still fighting for healing. so proud, but i never got to tell you. it's not fair! you were only 25, you still had your whole life ahead of you. why God?! why-- "would it spoil some vast eternal plan?"-- why?! yeah, a fiddler quote just for you, jonny. you were the greatest nerd, and i always loved you for it. i'm gonna miss you so much, you have no idea. you left too soon, y'know that? far too soon. /cries...

just between you and mei've got something to say

Between You & Me
---dcTalk


In case you didn't know, I <3 our late night conversations:

"We believe God wants you to know ... that every little part of you is magical. Yes, even the parts that hurt, even the ones that are feeling disease right now. It's alright to love what is in pain. More than alright, that's exactly where your love is needed the most. So why not touch that part that hurts and smile at it, at yourself through it, and whisper: ''I love you.''"



Psalm 143:3-12-- "I don't feel "better" but I have hope"



redeemingthehope: I'm sure it sounds effed up. Y'know, hey let's celebrate six months with a couple vicodin! Or whatever...
strangrno1cansee: I don't think that's effed up. Urges don't pay attention to kick ass anniversaries



strangrno1cansee: Times like these a little grace should be extended.
It is a celebration.... but not a victory march.... not yet





I love you, friend. ::smiles::